Lost at Sea

“When you pass through the deep, stormy sea, you can count on me to be there with you. When you pass through raging rivers, you will not drown. When you walk through persecution like fiery flames, you will not be burned; the flames will not harm you.”
‭‭ – Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭2‬ ‭TPT‬‬

Have you ever faced a situation that made you feel like you would never get through it? Or maybe multiple things happened simultaneously or one after the other.

Whether it was one situation or multiple, there are times in life we may face a moment that makes us feel so overwhelmed that we can’t make it.

This was me just a few months ago.

Within 8 months, I had suffered pregnancy and fertility loss, a death in the family, and a situation that threatened to interrupt our financial planning. I don’t tell you this so you will feel bad; rather to explain how these situations brought me where I am today.

I won’t sit here and tell you that I trusted God through these moments, and felt my faith was stronger during those grieving times, because it isn’t true.

I felt like I was drowning in grief, anxiety, depression, fear, uncertainty, and a bit of anger. I felt…lost at sea.

I will tell you that I felt God trying to show me a side of Himself that I failed to see.

My first pregnancy loss was the darkest. During the healing process, God showed me a moment when I was in the hospital, and He had angels watching over me.

During my second pregnancy loss, I suffered from anxiety, assuming that something would go wrong. Now, this isn’t uncommon for women that have had previous losses, and I felt it took away my joy.

During this short pregnancy, God showed me the power of community and the prayers of the church. This loss was a bit different because I needed to undergo surgery that took away my fertility. Nonetheless, the Lord spoke to me during surgery prep to pray for my doctor and surgical team.

I remember feeling so amazed that amidst my grief and tears, I felt the Lord calling me. Bewildered that after such tragedy and feeling hurt and angry, I would even consider doing such a thing. Amazed that through fear and pain, I reached out to my doctor and prayed with him.

A few months later, my grandfather passed away. My grandfather was such a faith-filled man. I felt angry that God would take him away after dealing with dementia, Alzheimer’s, and infection for so long. I questioned why God would do that to a man who was so faithful to Him.

I continued to worship after this loss because I knew my grandfather would not want me to give up faith and I had to stay strong for my family. It was during these times of worship following my grandfather’s passing when I felt like I could see my grandfather worshipping.

Following this, we went through a moment where we thought our financial plan was going to be changed. However, during this moment, I was encouraged to trust God. This time, I continued to worship and felt a peace wash over me. I pushed myself to trust God and He reminded me that He is bigger and greater.

I questioned why God kept throwing things at me when I was still trying to heal from my first loss, and every time I finally felt like I was doing ok between each trauma. I felt like I was indifferent to how I felt about God. I felt like I was questioning everything.

However, when I look back, I can see God in every moment. He never left me. In fact, in each of these situations, He showed me that He would not forsake me.

He did this by:

giving an encouraging word from a friend,

a meal to take off the burden of cooking so I could rest,

a loving husband who cried with me as we held each other,

children that prayed for me when I was in pain,

family that checked in on me, a pastor that prayed with my husband and me and sent flowers,

a pastor’s wife who reached out to check in on me,

friends who showed up at my grandfather’s funeral to support us,

friends who offered specialized skills to help navigate uncertain waters,

and a wave of peace that washed over me during uncertainty.

More than that, He showed me that I needed to look at Him as a Father who would comfort me and not hurt me.

I share this to encourage you to remember that God is our Father. During these trying times, it can be so difficult to keep the faith, joy, and hope alive. Even still, the Lord is with us. He NEVER lets go of us.

Nothing can separate us from His love.

“For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels nor principalities not powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created things, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39 NKJV

When Jesus’ beloved friend passed away, the Bible says that He wept.

“Then, when Mary came where Jesus was, and saw Him, she fell down at His feet saying to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled.”

– John 11:32-33 NKJV

We can see in this verse that the Lord knows heartache and He mourns with us.

Knowing these truths, it is easier to see God as our Father. He comforts us, provides for us, and continues loving us when we question Him, just as we do for our children.

No matter what you’re facing today, I want to encourage you that even when you feel like you can’t hold on any longer and feel completely lost, God is with you, and He is holding onto you. You will not drown. He will lead us through.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.”

-Isaiah 43:2 NKJV